I’m required by law to disclose that ITOLDYOUIDONTWRITEWITHAI.com was a flop and allegedly illegal. I clearly wrote that it was legal in the blog post announcement but that was not enough to achieve profitability.
For those of you that purchased services, I cannot guarantee that they will not be delivered as I have severed contact with all ITOLDYOUIDONTWRITEWITHAI technicians.
Oh and one other MANDATORY disclosure:
I have a BRAND NEW STARTUP!
So the other night I was at what I think was a bar drinking my pre-tax revenue away when a lad came up to me about college-age I presume and asked how I was able to put so many away without falling over backwards and having a horrific accident.
I was taken aback at this young man’s compliment and bought him a few beverages. My we presumably had such a wonderful time!
I woke up the next morning with a warm sensation in my heart and in my soul. I knew I had made a friend the night before and indeed when I asked Alexa if I had any messages she told me that I had a text from an unknown number with this beautiful phrase I’ll never as long as I live forget:
“last night was a movie bro !”
Ah yes indeed! A film! A night such as the night we must’ve had was the sort of night that could only be captured on film, sold to a production house and distributed through various streaming services with a limited theatrical release in a dozen or so metropolitan regions.
And it got me thinking.
Why should just last night be a movie? What if every last night was a movie or even every current waking moment of my life? A movie?
I spent the rest of the evening doing the only thing I could think of to think of the correct way to execute the concept. I knew that all the best movie moments are led up to via montage and thus I must enter the montage in order to come out the other side with the most excellent idea.
I hooked up a device with some mixture of xenon and other completely harmless noble gases jimmied to engage at random times ensuring I’d only be comprehending my actions at key moments in the discovery process. So, in my perceptions I went from tying my shoes, to sweatily hitting a punching bag in the gym, to running up a hill, to jumping rope and so on and so forth until I woke up heaving over a Home Depot bucket naked and cold in my garage with Rocky II blasting on a Chromebook I didn’t know I had.
But even though the whole montage thing didn’t really work in practice like I thought, it did get me there:
the idea:
the idea of how to make my life a movie:
to make your life a movie:
introducing:
LAST NIGHT WAS A MOVIE INC.
LNWM Inc. uses the latest in AR/VR/XR technology to take the world you and even I live in and stream it into our eyes at a glorious 24 frames per second.
Why take in the world as “god” intended when you can take it in as Hollywood makes the world feel‽
Don’t kick yourself for not thinking of the idea first, afterall, that’s why I’m the super awesome bound for success founder type and you’re the permanent underclass!
But you know why that isn’t so bad?
Just think:
Who do they make the movies about? Do they make it about the super awesome billionaires living in the cloud city with all their problems in the past?
NO!
They make it about the peasants groveling in the slime down here on Earth! And what better way to play your role in the underclass uprising-action part of the plot mountain than with your very own pair of LAST NIGHT WAS A MOVIE INC. 3D spectacles?
I know you’re waiting for me to say it….. the best part….
You can have your very own pair at the competitive price of $3699 (financing options for underclassmen with fair to excellent FICO/Social credit scores!)
And here’s our very first ad created by our talented totally human intern:
I have no more to say now.