Hi everyone. Bad news.
SaaS was a flop :/
Turns out that the subscription services market is completely. utterly. sloppily. saturated with softcore porn, Substack bloggers, and subscription services that track how many subscription services you’re subscribed to. There’s no longer a way for a hot young and hungry startup to get subbed :(
Which is why I’m excited and indeed thrilled to tell you about my new startup!!!! ->
ITOLDYOUIDONTWRITEWITHAI (DOT COM)
Now I know what you’re thinking because I do in fact have your webcam enabled and am watching you read these words but trust me:
it’s not what it sounds like.
Here’s the big messy problem that we all have that I and my team are solving: sometimes a robot is writing online and nobody knows about it unless it’s an untalented robot used by a stupid man.
This big sticky problem is so big and so sticky that a few humans with grotesquely large brains and Toyota Camry sized intellects created an AI (robot) that tells us (human) when something is written by the untalented robot and the stupid man.
We all like this friendly AI robot and have no problems with it whatsoever BUT there is a huge problem with the friendly robot!
How do we know this “friendly” robot built by the big brains and the throbbing intellects really is a friendly robot and not just another untalented robot made by the stupid man (men?‽!) to trick us innocent internet surfers into thinking we are reading the delightful written works of another bipedal chemical-slave with appendages that operate a multi-media gadget?
we can’t even trust the friendly robot...........
And that’s where we at ITOLDYOUIDONTWRITEWITHAI (DOT COM) step in!!!
For a one-time fee a ITOLDYOUIDONTWRITEWITHAI certified technician will enter your home and watch you.
Watch you write. Watch to make sure that you’re writing.
AND I SEE YOU THINKING AGAIN please stop right now and let me finish!
Don’t worry we aren’t going to tell you that we are watching! Of course not! How then would we know whether or not you just hired us the one time that you wrote it for real but actually everything else is robot AI and you are in fact the stupid man (woman?‽‽)?
We will be watching.
AND once we’re satisfied that you are a real human writing real writing with real appendages and emotions and skin we will certify you with the official* ITOLDYOUIDONTWRITEWITHAI badge that you can share with friends or lovers on LinkedIn, Facebook, or other digital townsquare on the free and open web!
But again, AGAIN with these fucking problems.
Because you know what?
How do I know that the robot isn’t sitting in your hat like Remy the fucking rat making your fingers tap tap tap away on your fucking keyboard?
How don’t I know that YOU aren’t the unfriendly robot!
There’s only one way I can know.
only one way I could know.
and I see you–that beautiful face illuminated by the glow of your multi-media device reading these ITOLDYOUIDONTWRITEWITHAI certified words. I see your horror. Your shock. Because you know what I have to do.
because you know it’s the only way I could know.
because you know it means that I’m gonna have to
GIVE YOU 50% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER USING PROMO CODE: ENTERMYHOMEATANUNSPECIFIEDTIMEIGIVEYOUFULLPERMISSIONANDWILLNOTCONTACTMYLAWYEROROTHERLEGALAUTHORITIESBECAUSEIDEFINITELYWANTPEOPLETOKNOWTHATIDONTWRITEWITHAI
*Calling something official is a great way to make something sound official even if you’re just some guy. This is official for real though.
itoldyouidontwritewithai.com